Sweet Disposition.

I’ve felt so nostalgic lately.

I’m sure having someone show up in my econ lecture who once meant a lot to me has something to do with it, but I think in general I just feel funny about my life. I’m more content now than I was the first two years of college, but a part of me still looks back to some aspects of high school thinking, wow, stuff was really good there for a while. By no means am I one of those people that can’t seem to leave high school. But I have a lot of fantastic memories from PN, and the majority of the most important people in my life were people I met in high school or before.

Have I even changed at all since graduation? People tell me they’re always so glad to see me, because I’m the only friend they have who hasn’t changed. That always stings…I don’t want to be that person trapped in time, unable or afraid to change. My parents and Nick tell me that maybe I grew up ahead of the game, and didn’t change much in college because I was already comfortable with who I was.

Am I?

I don’t really know what I miss about high school. I guess it’s just knowing what the following year would bring, or not really having to worry about much. Having the ability to make the choices I can make as an (almost) 21 year old is fantastic, but also frightening beyond belief. I have so much going for me if I let it happen, but I need to let myself be able to make the choices needed to be successful. I feel like I hold myself back more than I take chances…I’m more afraid of failing than I am excited to succeed.

I guess I just still feel so young. Too young to be seriously thinking about graduate school, too young to be thinking about getting married in the next few years, too young to be worrying about getting a real life job or having to move to another state for said job. It’s all so surreal, and it’s all happening. Fast.

So I guess to keep my mind away from it all I’ve delved back into the porthole into the past that is Myspace (hilarious, by the way), looked through pictures from 2007 onward on Facebook, and reflected on what brought me to where I am today. It was a time in which my biggest concerns involved whether or not Curtis liked me and “AGaps don’t you dare date Marshall!” and being the biggest diva ever in the soprano section.

I need to stop taking my life so seriously, maybe.